11:52 a.m. - 2005-06-26
Thoughts...
I haven't entered anything in my journal for a few days. I sometimes have thoughts that I just HAVE TO express and can't wait to get to the computer.
For a few days now, I haven't felt compelled to share any thoughts. I have been reading my journal favorites and going back to pick up their past entries to get a feel for who they are and what is important to them. I enjoy getting to "know them" by what they express in their own words.
I have picked some journals at random when they appear on the latest entry page. I have read words by so many unhappy people, dealing with love or lack thereof, drugs, alcohol, unworthy feelings. I guess I was surprised at the number of unhappy dissatified people who journal. But, I suppose that is the REASON they journal...to get their feelings out. Many of them are trying to find happiness and looking in all the wrong places...some of them are working through their choices and finding a new way to get through it all. A few have made good efforts and have made good...or at least better choices...and will probably succeed.
Some journals are written by teenagers who, of course, are trying to figure out who they are and what they want and how they will get there. Some journalists are young parents, struggling with work, children and money problems. Some are thrilled with being pregnant. Some are horrified with the thought of another child to support. But all are trying to do something...good or bad...better or worse..they are doing something...And a few....just can't work it out, they can't make a decision...they are not sure of their choices. A couple just won't...Try...Anything...At...All.
And, thankfully, there are a few older people who have lived, loved, suffered, gone thru illness, or death of a loved one...and are thrilled to still be alive...changing their paths...and looking for a new way to discover what they want and taking the chance that they might be happier if they jump into the unknown.
I, personally, have felt I have a good life. I have had times in the past when I went through bad things, sexual abuse as a child, the choice of a sister to withdraw from the rest of her sisters...(that one really hurts me.) death of parents. But overall, I have been so fortunate. I married a good man, a friend, a high school senior year romance. We have both worked all of our marriage with the exception of the 6 years I stayed home raising our child. Our grown up son is married to someone he loved for a very long time and has step daughters...a real family of his own. That makes his father and I feel so good - just knowing he has a wife who loves him and step daughters who love him too.
Well, anyhow, I just didn't feel like I had anything to say but I guess I really did. I am content with my life. Would I want it to be different? Maybe..in a few ways...but overall it is a good life and all of us (husband, son, daughter-in-law, step granddaughters, sisters, etc.) have love and happiness and hopes and dreams for the future and we all intend to keep on the course and make it happen as much as we can control it.
I know there are still going to be times that are painful, scary, uncontrollable but we will get through it together or alone. We will survive. I intend to enjoy what is left of my life to the best of my ability and, in turn, I hope I make other people feel good too.
