1:26 p.m. - 2006-07-18
back from vacation
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
I have returned from my week's vacation with two of my sisters. It wasn't exactly what I thought it would be but it was a good time.
We didn't shop at all. We did eat out a few times and we watched a lot of reality TV and enjoyed making our comments about the various programs and the people.
We talked to a psychic who gave us a reading for free....she would talk to all three of us at the same time. She did seem to know some things that most people wouldn't know just by looking at us.
She gave advice to each of us and told me I had a lot of auras and I should have them read. She said all of us have psychic abilities but we need to work on them to learn how to read them and believe in them. It is a subject of interest to all three of us but I don't know how much ability I have.
One sister seems to dream and said she has been flying. The psychic said she is leaving her body and this can be very revealing. She can also read the tarot cards and does seem to be able to give you a good reading based on her interpretation of the cards. This is another subject I find interesting.
Mostly we sisters were talking about helping one of the sisters decide what she was going to do with her life. She left her husband, is getting a divorce and had thought by moving to Texas; she could start her life over.
Unfortunately, she has not had much luck in finding a job. She did work
for the Small Business Admin. for about 6 weeks but they laid off the night shift because they were moving into a different building. She liked the work but said the hours (8-10 per day - 6 days a week) was exhausting.
She hasn't worked since June and her money is running out. She is
living with our other sister but that has been going on for 8 months so
it is time to make a new plan. We discussed various options, she made
a couple of phone calls and now it appears that she will need to find a way to finance school. She wants to attend massage school. It is 300 hours for a certification. This would include possible job placement but first she has to find the money. Hopefully, she will check out financial aid and may be eligible for some help.
So, I am back home and I have catching up on getting the house back in order and planning my life from now on.
@@@@
For all you parents out there...........
A heart warming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This will make you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew came in and began building a house on the empty lot.
The family's 5-year-old daughter became interested in all the activity going on next door and spent much of her time observing the goings on.
Eventually, the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they took coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important
At the end of the first week, the men presented her with a pay envelope with $2.00 inside. The little girl took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration.
Mom suggested that they start a savings account. When they talked to the teller, she was impressed and asked the little girl how she had earned her very own paycheck at such a young age.
The child proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us.
The teller said, "Wow, and will you be working on the house again this week, too?
The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the damn sheet rock."
####
Please check this link.
This is hilarious and actually being sung by Dolly Parton.
TURN YOUR SOUND ON
http://www.badgirl1.com/PMS.htm
####
Sunbather
A rather well-proportioned woman planned to spend almost all of her vacation sunbathing. She found the ideal spot on the roof of her hotel. It was deserted and secluded, with a smooth, raised "deck" which received the sun all day long. She wore a bathing suit on the first day, but on the second, she decided that since no one could see her way up there, she would slip out of it and get rid of the tan lines on her back.
She'd been lying there on her stomach for a little while when she heard someone running up the stairs toward the roof. Startled, she didn't have time to pull on her suit, and since she was lying on her stomach, she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing up here, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit, as you did yesterday".
"YESTERDAY!" she exclaimed, rather irritated..."Have you been following me around? And besides, what difference does it make ANYWAY, since no one except a nosy assistant manager can see me? I'm on the top floor and I'm covered with a towel."
"Well, that would be true," said the embarrassed little man, "except for the fact that you're lying on the dining room skylight."
###
My mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When I was a little
girl, she'd take me into the stall, show me how to wad up toilet paper
and wipe the seat. Then she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to
cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public
toilet seat. Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat.
That was a long time ago. Now, in my 'mature years', "The Stance" is
excruciatingly difficult to maintain. When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn,you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.
The dispenser for the modern "SEAT COVERS" (INVENTED BY SOMEONE'S Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but
quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if
you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance".
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can
hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!". Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of
your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of
the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping
your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your
footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is
wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it is too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public
toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind
of diseases you could get."
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehose
that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab
onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At
that point, you give up.
You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women,still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely at them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of
toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??)
You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell
her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used
and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks,"What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest??? You've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men
what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang on to your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door.
###
ONLY IN AMERICA:
Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke!
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe
the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with
Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER .
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
@@@
The year is 2012 and the United States of America has recently elected the first woman, as well as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldfarb.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?
"I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my gout is acting up again."
"Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door."
"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy. What on earth would I wear?
"Oh Mom," replies Susan, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York."
"Honey,! " Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."
The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way.
Mom, I really want you to come."
So Mom reluctantly agrees, and on January 21, 2013, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States of America. In the front row sits the new president's mother who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her.
"You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible becoming President of the United States?"
The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do."
Says Mom proudly, "Her brother's a doctor."
I will write more later
