4:03 p.m. - 2005-11-18
women ancestors
Friday, November 18, 2005
Currently Listening
Feels Like Home
By Norah Jones
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While I was cleaning my house today and doing laundry and grocery shopping, I thought about my female ancestors. It just have been quite a job back then to be the homemaker, have the babies and keep everything going smoothly. Imagine living without all the appliances we have now. No dishwasher except for your two hands and a bucket of hot water. No washer or dryer except for you boiling the water for the clothes, making the soap, using a washboard or beating the clothes on the rocks, hanging them up outside on the line. (and sometimes hanging them inside in bad weather.) No grocery stores, you had to grow your own vegetables, and can them, pick your own fruit, raise your chickens and cattle and milk the cows for milk to make butter, raise pigs for meat and lard. You could not buy new shoes or clothes all the time, so you either kept tacking cardboard to the soles of your shoes or went barefoot. You had to sew your own clothes, knit your own stockings and on and on and on. You couldn't drive your own car to the stores, you had to have a horse or mule and a wagon to get to the closest town. It was probably an all-day trip and you had to get everything you needed because you couldn't afford to give up one whole day very often.
All of that made me think about my female ancestors. I have some information about most of them.
First was my great, great grandmother on my maternal side. She was a tiny lady and probably didn't weigh over 90 lbs. It appears that she worked very hard and she was of strong stock because she outlived about 4 or 5 husbands. I believe she had 5 children. She lived mostly in Illinois during her lifetime. She left her house to her son, James.
My great grandmother had 5 children. Apparently she and her husband had some problems. He kicked her out of the house and he kept the 5 children. She was pregnant with a 6th child but her husband didn't believe it was his.
He, however, got married shortly after and that wife had 5 more children!.
She moved back to Illinois, married James and they had my grandmother (who may have been James's child) and another daughter and a son. James passed away and my great grandmother took in boarders to make enough money to care for herself and her children.
My grandmother got married at 19. She had a son and then 3 years later, she had twins, a boy and a girl. She lived with her husband in Oklahoma. She must have been bored with her husband. She loves to dance, write poetry, write letters and go to movies. She wanted excitement. She met another man who was a jack-of-all trades and fell deeply and passionately in love. She went back to Illinois to visit her mother and her sister and brother. She took all 3 children. Her husband kept sending her letters asking her to come back. She knew she should go back but she was so in love with Bill that she didn't want to live without him. Over a period of a couple of years, she moved back but she couldn't get Bill out of her mind. He, of course, would go anywhere for a job and he was in Tulsa quite a bit. They continued to meet and she was still so in love, she knew she couldn't live with her husband any more. She went back to Illinois again when her mother went into the hospital. She cared for her sister and brother and her own 3 children. After her mother died, she and her sister moved into small rooms and apartments so she could stay with Bill. Her husband was still asking her to come home to him. Her brother was "fostered" out to another family on a farm. Her sister was falling in love with lots of men and loved to dance and sing and write letters and watch movies just like my grandmother did. Finally, my grandmother decided to go back to her husband. But, It was no use, she couldn't get over Bill. She took the children again and went back to Illinois. Finally her husband filed for divorce. He was awarded the 3 children. He told the judge, he could care for the boys but he didn't know how to raise a little girl. My mother was given to my grandmother. They moved back to Illinois. My grandmother and Bill lived together and had 5 children. During her lifetime, my grandmother was pregnant 10 times but only 8 children survived. She passed away in January 1945. I was born 3 weeks before her death.
There was a similar circumstance on my father's side of my family He had 7 brothers and sisters including twins. His father moved the entire family to Chicago, Il. Once there, his father left the family. My grandmother either was pregnant or had a small daughter. She found a job and the older children helped bring in some income.
My mother married when she was 20. She had me when she was nearly 21 years old. She also had 2 more daughters. Then my father told her that he wanted a divorce. She had no job skills and no family of her own that she felt she could go to. She took us to stay with her uncle and aunt. They had no children of their own but had cared for my mother's brothers and a sister when her mother was ill and dying.
After a few years, she had a decent paying job, got an apartment and we three girls moved back to live with our mother. That lasted a few years until she met a man and remarried. A couple of years after they married, she was pregnant with my youngest sister.
Of the four of sisters, 2 of us are still married to our husbands. One had been married about 30 years and I have been married 40 years. Another was married twice, and re-married once and is about to make a huge decision and leave her marriage. She wants to start over and make a life for herself. We sisters fully support her decision and will do whatever we can to help her out.
My youngest sister was married about 16 years and had a boy and a girl. She moved her family to Texas; after she got a job as a teacher, found a house and purchased it for the family. But, it wasn't long after the move when she realized the marriage was still not working for her. She got a divorce. She has some struggles being a single mother. But the change in her is visible. She laughs more, she sings all the time, she loves her children, she sold the old house and bought another. Her children are thriving, excellent students and good kids. Now she has met a good guy and is very happy with her life. (for the most part).
It seems to me that the women in my background have all been strong, independent and resourceful. Even back in the late 1890's, they were not afraid to go after what they really wanted and I think, they enjoyed their loves and lives fairly well. I do know they all struggled and had disappointments but I don't think they would have changed a thing.
What about you?
