7:01 p.m. - 2006-02-05
Sunday night musings
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Here it is, the 5th day of February, 2006. It snowed last night. I was surprised the weathermen were correct this time. It is very pretty outside but it won't last long.
By tomorrow, the snow will either be gone or so dirty and slushy, that no one will have any beauty to enjoy. But we can think about that tomorrow when it is time to venture out on our way to our jobs.
This has been a lazy weekend for us. Yesterday we went to Meijer's to buy our weight in Toostie Rolls. We also purchased some Kitty Chow, light bulbs, file folders and other items. We rewarded ourselves for that chore by eating at Baker's Square. Since my husband's order was mixed up, he got his food for free.
We stopped at the DVD store and picked out the new Zorro movie, The Fog and the Flightplan with Jodi Foster. I have to say Jodie Foster was very good in the movie and it was a good exciting thriller and very much worth watching.
It took me some time to figure out the plot and it was worth every minute.
Since we both stayed up way too late Saturday night, we slept in this morning. I slept in way too long and have been groggy all day. even our pets are sleepy on such a quiet, overcast day..
Soooo, I guess I should insert some inspiration to wake up everyone.
WOMAN TO WOMAN ENCOURAGEMENT
Someone will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will
drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their
partners will fix more things around the house.
So let it go and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it.
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.
The richest woman you know - she's got the car, the house, the clothes -
might be heartbreakingly lonely.
So, love you. Love who you are right now. Tell yourself, "I am too blessed to be stressed." Be blessed ladies and pass this on to encourage another woman.
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world."
MORE DARWIN AWARDS...
Darwin Awards are an annual honor given to the person who did the gene
pool the greatest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
The nominees this year in reverse order are:
7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died
of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall
and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black
and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying
to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas
mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in
its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a
hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and
hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby.
"The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance
between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the
apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was
hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of
causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
AND? THE WINNER IS:
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez
managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism.
Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and
tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the
ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his
testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.
Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was
plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside.
To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had
just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself with.
Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery... The remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.
NOTE: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't
die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act
of stupidity, we have allowed it. ?
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The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound"
that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities;
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...
leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which
explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
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REDNECK PhILoSoPy:
Now as I see it.....
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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Sisters All
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.
"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.
"Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too.
"You'll need other women. Women always do."
'What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. 'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 40 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
This says it all!
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up!
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.
A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you.
Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead.
Nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.
Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful.
CHOCOLATE SINGS
I had a date for lunch with friends. Mae, a little old "blue hair" about 80 years old, came along with them---All in all, a pleasant bunch. When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Mae who said, "Ice Cream please. Two scoops, chocolate."
I wasn't sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast.
"Along with heated apple pie," Mae added, completely unabashed.
We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time. But when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy mine. I couldn't take my eyes off Mae as her pie a-la-mode went down. The other ladies showed dismay. They ate their lunches silently and frowned.
The next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Mae. I requested white meat tuna. She ordered a parfait. I smiled. She asked if she amused me.
I answered, "Yes, you do, but also you confuse me. How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible?
She laughed and said, with wanton mirth, "I'm tasting all that's possible. I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should. But life's so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good. This year I realized how old I was. (She grinned) I haven't been this old before."
"So, before I die, I've got to try those things that for years I had ignored. I haven't smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many books I haven't read. There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead.
There are many malls I haven't shopped. I've not laughed at all the jokes. I've missed a lot of Broadway hits and potato chips and cokes.
I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face. I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace. I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want UN-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most.
I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain. I need to feel wind in my hair. I want to fall in love again.
So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner, then should I die before night fall, I'd say I died a winner, because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart's desire. I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired."
With that, I called the waitress over. "I've changed my mind," I said. "I want what she is having, only add some more whipped cream!"
This is my gift to you - We need an annual Friends Day! If you get this twice, then you have more than one friend.
Live well, love much & laugh often - Be happy.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS, BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO.
Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we love and respect.
Remember that while money talks, CHOCOLATE SINGS
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What is a Dog?
Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
They can hear a package of food opening half a block away,
but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
They growl when they are not happy.
When you want to play, they want to play.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They are great at begging.
They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
They leave their toys everywhere.
They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
Conclusion: Dogs are men in little fur coats.
The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you,
but he will make a fool of himself too.
Samuel Butler
One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why.
Author Unknown
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
Franklin P. Jones
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
Phil Pastoret
with the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog.
Edward Jesse
Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.
Max Eastman
My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.
Author Unknown
If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
Andy Rooney
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A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill, and
a black lace bra..
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who Always makes her Laugh...And one Who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture Not previously owned by Anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
Eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will
Make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over her destiny
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB,
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change The length of her calves, The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood May not have been
Perfect..but; Its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and Wouldn't
Do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...even if She doesn't like it.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust, Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't Take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month..
And a year...
and now it is time for you to relax and enjoy your evening.
Good Night
