6:41 p.m. - 2005-11-07
holiday rant
I noticed this week that the Halloween candy and decor is marked way, way down in order to get the public to buy the unused items. That way the stores won't have to store it until next year. After all, there is nothing yummier than stale candy. Especially that orange and black peanut butter kiss stuff that ripped out your filling late on Saturday night.
And along with the big discounted items, all the aisles are now stuffed with Christmas decor. What happened to Thanksgiving? Did I miss it this year? The last time I checked it was still on the fourth Thursday of the month which would be November 24, 2005.
I have gotten used to the fact that you can't find winter boots or coats, hats and gloves and scarves after November. I know if you want a new bathing suit or shorts or sandals, you had better snap them up about February.
And why-oh-why do we have to listen to Christmas music before we have Turkey Day with all the trimmings? I haven't even invited our Thanksgiving Dinner guests or decided on the menu (except for Turkey, of course).
Also I do buy gifts all year long to be saved for Christmas. But, I haven't got my ton of paper and 25 rolls of tape, gift bows and labels up the yahzoo yet. I was hoping I could wait until at least,..... oh I don't know..... DECEMBER????
It really takes all the Christmasy spirit away when you are still walking around without a overcoat on. Somehow when you are still using air conditioning, it isn't fun to try on an Alaskan temperature coat in a tiny little dressing room. And sweaters are even worse. They really are well-named as you just SWEAT your butt off trying to pull them on and off when it is still 80 degrees in the store. Have you noticed how the stores turn off the air conditioning as soon as Labor Day is done? You could also gag on the humidity in the Mall. Not to mention the fumes from odorific bodies. Oy!
So, OK, I guess I can get used to the elevator music of all the old Christmas songs. Stuff like the dogs barking to Jingle Bells, and Grandma Got Run Over The Reindeer and so on....but could it at least wait until after Thanksgiving Dinner this year?
And on a smaller rant scale....How many holidays do we celebrate now. Mother's and Father's Days of course. Grandparents Day, Boss's Day, instead of Secretary's Day - the politically correct name is Business Technician Day.
This month we have Peanut Butter's Lover's Day, Pizza Day, Veterans Day, All Saints Day, Day of the Dead, Remembrance Sunday, Mexican Revolution Day, Thanksgiving Day, Day after Thanksgiving Day, Shop-Until-You-Drop Day, Start Shopping Saturday, I-have- a-Headache Day, When-will-it-Stop Day, Why-Don't-You-Shut-up-For-A-Second Day...
And then it is December....Which starts with I-Can't-Get-This-Done-In- Time Weekend, Where-Are-My-Credit- Cards Day, What-Do-You-Mean, My-Credit-Limit-Has-Been-Reached Day? Then we have Monday before Tuesday before Wednesday before Thursday of Christmas Week, Day before Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve, Christmas, Day-After- Christmas-Shopping Day, Return-The- Gifts-That-You-Detest Day and No-I-Don't-Have-The-Original-Receipts Day and than finally--- ahhhh. New Year's Eve.
Then we get to start all over in 2006
^^^^^^^^^^
Here a joke for you
A crusty old Command Sergeant Major was invited to attend a gala social
event, hosted by a local liberal arts college located near to post. There
were hundreds of young, idealistic students in attendance, many of whom
were very attractive young ladies. One of these young ladies approached the
Sergeant Major and struck up a conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major," she said, "but you seem to be very serious. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant major said, "Just serious by nature. You
tend to get that way in this profession!"
The young lady looked at all his awards and decorations and said "It looks like you have seen a lot action over the years."
"Yes, ma'am," replied the Sergeant Major, " a lot of action."
"You should lighten up a little," she added, "Relax and enjoy yourself a
little more. Now, don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time
you had sex?"
The Sergeant Major looked her straight in the eye and replied, "1955."
"Well, there you go," she tells him. "No sex since 1955! That's a very,
very long time."
"You think so?" he replies, glancing at his watch. "It's only 2130 now."
Have fun
