3:17 p.m. - 2008-12-11
stuff du jour
Yes...Kids, the work week is nearly over and we haven't heard anything about the installation of those countertops!
Oh well.... I know if we start to decorate for Christmas, we will get the call and I am not sure if I want the mess of doing it before Christmas. On one hand, it would be nice to have new countertops and sinks and faucets before Christmas...but...on the other hand, it would be nice to just get through the holidays without having to go through all the extra work that installing the new countertops entail.... Just preparing for the holidays takes so much time.
We met with some friends yesterday for breakfast and got caught up on what is going on with them. It is always nice to see them. Of course, their lives are like ours....always trying to help out the kids or grandkids and not always feeling we have done the right thing. Their experiences are so much more difficult than ours as they have several grown children and several grandchildren, including one grandson who is currently living with them because his mother didn't want him living with her anymore.
We met them at the casino and we all remarked that we hadn't been going there as often and really didn't miss it that much. We played for a couple of hours, made a little and lost more.... so we left.
Next week, we are expecting our BIL from Colorado (the one we helped move last month) to stop by Indiana on his drive to W. Virginia where he is spending Christmas with some of his kids and grandkids. We expect he will want to visit the casino one day too. Oh well, if we HAVE to go, I guess we can! LOL.
My favorite local supermarket had a deal this week. If you bought $20 worth of Kraft products, you got 15 cents off of 15 gallons of gas at their store. I was really surprised to see how many different brands are actually affiliated with Kraft. I bet YOU would be surprised too.
Digorno and California Kitchen pizza, Wheat thins, Ritz Crackers, Oreos...
not to mention the obvious..... Kraft salad dressing, Miracle Whip, Velvetta and sliced cheese and all.
And YES, I did earn my 15 cents off on 15 gallons....and gasoline is $1.51 there this week.
and since we are talking about food......
Here's your Annual.....
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do NOT have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, a glass of red wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
and finally, you may have seen this one before but I think it bears repeating....
****
"It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman."
My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Pam. When I took early retirement a few years ago, it became necessary for Pam to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Now that she is older, she seems to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I am willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker game club or Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of the odds and ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting. Also, if I have a really good day of fishing, this allows her to gut and scale the fish at a more leisurely pace.
I think another symptom of aging is complaining. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean).
I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice big cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Pam. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.
After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Signed,
Jim
EDITOR'S NOTE: Jim died suddenly on Feb 27 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a sledge hammer lying nearby.
His wife Pam was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her
NOT GUILTY,
accepting her defense that Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
*****
and last for those of you who LOVE blonde jokes...
Yesterday Blondie had a flat tire on the interstate. So she eased her car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully get out of the car and opened the trunk.
She took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of the
car facing oncoming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it!
They were in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to
the approaching drivers.
To her surprise, cars started slowing down looking at the lifelike men. And
of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns
and waving like crazy.
It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind Blondie. He got out
of his car and started walking toward her. She could tell he was not a happy camper!
'What's going on here?' he said.
'My car has a flat tire', Blondie said calmly.
'Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the
road?'
Blondie couldn't believe that he didn't know. So she told him,
"'Hellooooo, those are my emergency flashers!'
