1:30 p.m. - 2007-08-26
oatmeal and kisses - 1993
Sunday, August 26, 2007
OATMEAL & KISSES - 1993
Mary and her husband brought Anna Elizabeth to the hospital to visit Patricia before they started the drive back home. Anna was just beginning to talk and they coaxed her to say "I love you". Patricia responded to that sweet message and then settled into another nap.
Terri went to work that week and every afternoon on her way home; she would stop at the hospital to visit Patricia. The nurses kept saying how well she was doing but Terri didn�t believe them. Patricia just wasn�t herself. She was very tired and didn�t really seem to have the strength to carry on a conversation. Terri asked her if she wanted to talk about anything special but Patricia had no special messages or thoughts to pass on and was simply happy to have Terri talk about her day at work. She did ask about her grandson, Daniel and wanted him to stop by. Terri promised to talk to him about a visit. As the week went on, Terri felt that Patricia was losing her spirit; she was just becoming a shell of the woman she used to be. Terri talked to the doctor who agreed that the end was coming. And it was coming quickly now.
Daniel did make a trip to visit his grandmother and had a very brief visit with her. As he was leaving, Patricia called out to him that she loved him as he left the room.
Towards the end of the week,Terri decided to contact her sisters and let them know how serious the situation had become. She wanted her sisters to have time to decide if they wanted to come back to see Patricia again. Mary had just returned home to Ct. She quickly made arrangements for some of her friends to take care of Anna during the day and she started driving back to Indiana. Bonnie planned to drive up from the Indianapolis area as well.
On Saturday morning, there was a knock on the door. When Terri opened the door, she saw two people she didn�t expect to see. Uncle Mike and Uncle Tom, Patricia�s two brothers! Uncle Tom was visiting from California. He went to see his brother, Mike, who lived in Illinois. They decided to drive to visit their sister, Patricia. Terri quickly filled them in on what was happening and they wanted to see their sister as soon as possible. Terri took them back to the hospital. She went to see how Patricia was doing, woke her from a nap and told her there was a surprise waiting for her outside her door. She brought in the two brothers and Patricia spoke for the first time in a few days.
"What are you two doing here?" she asked. They responded, "Well, Patsy, we wanted to see you and what are you doing in the hospital?"
Terri excused herself from the room and let the three have a visit. It wasn�t long before the men came out. They were shaken by the sight of their big sister being so fragile and so weak. They couldn�t get over what had happened to her. They decided to spend the evening with Terri to talk about the past few years. The next day the brothers were on their way back to Illinois. They were going to contact their other sister, Kathryn, to let her know about the situation.
On Saturday, Terri went for another visit. She was going to talk to the family doctor after his visit with her mother. He asked if Patricia had a DNR or living will. Terri was not aware of either and he suggested that Terri try to get Patricia to make a decision and sign the proper documents..
When Patricia had moved in with Terri in March; she did ask Terri for advice. She wanted to redo her will since it had not been changed since Raymond�s death. She had, at one time, considered leaving her house to Bonnie or Mary. Instead, the house had been sold by then so it�s ownership was not in question. By now, Bonnie was on her own and doing well. She was divorced and maintained a friendship with her ex-husband. She was living South of Indianapolis. Patricia felt comfortable that Mary was secure with her own family in Ct. Terri had been married for a number of years, had a good job and a strong marriage. Patricia was also aware that her daughter, Ginny, wanted nothing to do with her and wondered if she should exclude her as one of the beneficiaries. Terri suggested she discuss her ideas with an attorney but Terri thought it would be better to specifically name Ginny in the will and leave her something.
Patricia did keep the appointment and told Terri there was a copy of the will in her room. Terri did not ask what Patricia had decided to do about the beneficiaries. Terri, Mary and Bonnie didn�t believe that Patricia had much of an estate and often bought food and other items for Patricia when they visited. They only wanted Patricia to be safe, secure and comfortable during her final years. Whatever Patricia might leave to her daughters would be happily accepted but not expected.
So, knowing that Patricia had a will but not a "Living Will or a Do Not Resuscitate Order; Terri asked for the forms at the nursing station. She was told that a representative of the hospital Social Services would be a witness when she talked to her mother. She entered Patricia�s room and woke her from another nap. She explained very carefully what the forms were for and asked Patricia what she wanted to do. She went over all the details and choices a second time to be certain that Patricia understood the choices she was making. After receiving a nod from the Social Services representative; Terri asked Patricia if she was ready to sign the form, again reminding her of what she was signing. Patricia apologized for her shaky signature but was responsive to the questions and signed.
Terri took the forms back to the nursing station. There, she was shocked and upset to be told that they had given her the wrong forms and Patricia had signed a Resuscitation Order. The Social Services Representative told the nurses that was not what Patricia had wanted and asked for the proper form. The representative also took the improper form back and tore it up. Now Terri had to wake her mother up again and try to get another signature. Terri was worried that her mother could not understand and would get upset. They went back into the room, awakened Patricia again and she made a very shaky mark on the paper. Terri asked the Social Services representative if that was going to be valid. The representative assured her that she was present when Patricia was still lucid and it was very clear that she did not want to have any resuscitation procedures and the representative then signed as a witness..
Mary and Bonnie arrived late on Saturday and they were both exhausted. Terri decided she would go into work on Sunday, go through all her files and make notes and write out instructions because she intended to go with her sisters on Monday to visit. She didn�t want her sisters to be alone when they visited Patricia. She knew they would have a shock at the deterioration that Patricia had gone through in just a few days� time. Terri gave them a quick up-date and suggested they go visit with Patricia while she might still be able to respond.
Bonnie did not want to see her mother in that condition and relied on Mary and Terri to keep her advised. She preferred to remember her mother as she was before; happy, cheerful, interested in life and in her daughters.
By this time, Terri was emotionally exhausted. She felt she had to hold it all together for the sake of her sisters. She told her sisters what had happened and they were thankful that the order had been signed.
On Sunday, Terri went into her office at 8:00 A.M. She took a sandwich and a can of diet pop and worked until after 4:00 P.M. It was quiet and with no telephones or interruptions; she was able to work through every single claim file she had. She wrote up instruction sheets for all the payments, ordered all the reports she needed, and wrote memos on every file so anyone could pick up the file, find a synopsis of the claim and handle it for a few days. She also left a memo on the manager�s desk, on the head secretary�s desk and on the bulletin board that she had worked all day, she would not be in on Monday due to her mother�s terminal illness and left.
On the way home, she stopped at the hospital. When she walked into the room; she had another shock. Her mother was lying there....looking as though she was a small child. Her body was shrunken, her face was like a mask, she was making some small noises but she did not appear responsive. Terri felt like she was looking at a shell...her mother�s essence was not there anymore.
A nurse came in to check her vital signs and Terri asked if Patricia was in pain. The nurse said the family doctor was making sure that the morphine drip was enough that she was not suffering. Terri felt it was time to have a final conversation with her mother. She took her hand and talked to her. She told Patricia it was alright for her to go. She knew that Patricia was very tired and probably wanted to see her loved ones who had passed. She told her that they were waiting for her to arrive. She told her she could dance and sing with her mother and her husband, Raymond. She reminded her that her sister and brother were there waiting for her to read them another story and take them to the park. She said she could read her dear grandson a bedtime story and hold him in her arms. She told Patricia she was only asking her to do one more thing. When Patricia got to heaven, Terri wanted her to find a nice girl for Terri�s son, Daniel. She asked Patricia to find one that would make him a wonderful wife and give him a family. She told her she would always love her and that all of them would miss her but it was time for her to go.
Somehow she managed to say all of that without breaking into tears. When she put her mother�s hand back on the bed; she looked up. The nurse was standing there with tears running down her face. The nurse said to Terri...�I don�t know how you managed to do that. It was so beautiful and I am sure your mother heard every word."
Somehow Terri drove home and walked into her living room. Her son, Daniel, was there and her sisters. Terri told them what she had just done and burst into tears. Daniel immediately hugged his mother and comforted her. He told her she had done a wonderful job. Mary and Bonnie were in tears too, of course.
After a few moments, Mary said she was going to the hospital to see her mother and said if anyone wanted to go with her; it was fine. No one did so she made her final visit.
When she returned much later, she told them that she had the feeling when she went into the room that her mother was like a child. Mary said she felt like she, herself, had turned into the mother. Maybe, because she did have a young child herself; she immediately cuddled her mother�s body and sang her some lullabies. She talked to her as if she were her own baby girl and whispered and kissed her before she left. She said she felt like her mother got some comfort from it because she didn�t make many sounds and seemed to relax as Mary held her.
