2:24 p.m. - 2006-08-11
DOCTOR AND DIETS
Friday, August 11, 2006
Currently Reading
Insight: Case Files from the Psychic World By Sylvia Browne
I LOVE MY DOCTOR.
He is younger than me by a few years and I have been going to him since 1977. He is always friendly and caring. He always remembers to ask about my husband and my son by their first names. He never scolds me when I don't lose weight. He always comments on how well I am doing
when I do lose weight. He tells me when he is pleased with results from
tests and when my blood pressure is right in line or my carbohydrate count
is good. He keeps close track of the medications I take and for how long.
TODAY IT IS FRIDAY....I went to my doctor this morning. I had not lost any weight as I promised him I would a few months ago. I always feel like I have let him down when I don't do as well as I should have. But...he never is upset with me. He just asks "What can we do about this for next time?"
NEXT TIME WILL BE DECEMBER 15, 2006. It will be the day before my birthday and I do intend to have lost weight. Just because I said I would do it
this time.
I do belong to a Fitness Center so I need to go 3 times a week starting next
week. I need to go back on my carbohydrate addict lifestyle and see how quickly the pounds come off. The last time I used the carbohydrate addict lifestyle, I lost 35 pounds without exercising in about 5 months. By exercising at the same time, I should be able to drop those lbs by December.
Senior Exercises
The Doc told me to start an exercise program.
Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised
the following:
MONDAY
Beat around the bush
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls
Wade through the morning paper
TUESDAY
Drag my heels
Push my luck
Make mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head
WEDNESDAY
Bend over backwards
Jump on the Band Wagon
Run around in circles
THURSDAY
Advise the President on how to run the country
Toot my own horn
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire
FRIDAY
Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth
Start the ball rolling
Go over the edge
SATURDAY
Pick up the pieces.
SUNDAY
Kneel in prayer
Bow my head in thanksgiving
Uplift my hands in praise
Hug someone and encourage them on Sunday
WHAT A WORKOUT!!!!
***********
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy,
she replied,"Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."
But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, " I told you yesterday that my Private Part died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?"
You gotta love this!!!!!!!!!!!
"Well, he replied, "Today's the viewing."
############
The Cork
Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his butt.
If you do not mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?"
I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab.
"It is permanently stuck in my butt."
"I do not understand," said the other.
The first Arab says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an American flag attire with a white beard and top hat came boiling out. He said, "I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish."
I said, "NO SHIT?"
GOD BLESS AMERICA
#####
One morning, three Southerners and three Yankees were in a ticket counter line at a train station. The three Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the three Southerners bought just one ticket.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the Yankees.
"Watch and learn," answered one of the boys from the South.
All six boarded the train where the three Yankees sat down, but the three Southerners crammed into a toilet together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said, "Ticket, please.
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.
The conductor took it and moved on.
The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever they decided to do the sa me thing on the return trip and save some money.
That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip and watched, while to their astonishment, the three Southerners didn't buy even one ticket.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked a perplexed Yankee.
"Watch and learn," answered the three Southern boys in unison. When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into a toilet and the three Southerners crammed into another toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their toilet and walked over to the toilet in which the Yankees were hiding.
The Southerner knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."
There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees ever won the war.
@##########
Women's Ass Size Study
There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses.
The results are pretty interesting:
1. 85% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 5% say they don't care; they love him, he's a good man
and they would have married him anyway
HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND
