8:08 p.m. - 2006-04-13
HAPPY EASTER
Thursday, April 13, 2006
This is a wonderful time of the year. I just got home from work. I have showered and washed my hair. I am waiting for my husband to come home.
We will just have quick sandwiches for dinner tonight because we have a lot of work to do. We have to get some clothes washed and get out the suitcases and pack because ..... It is time for....
A TWO WEEK VACATION...
Yes, we are leaving very early tomorrow and driving to Burleson, Texas...home of the first American Idol.
and....it is also the home of BeautyandtheBrain, BbsHead and Karaokesinger61 on Xanga.
Two of the people are my sisters AND one is my niece.....Can you guess which ones...?
No...not Kelli Clarkson.
For those of you who read my sisters' journals. they are still alive but very busy.
Bbshead got a full time job starting last week and she is working 6 nights a week for about 60 hrs per week. She barely has time to eat and sleep and take an occasional shower.
And...karaokesinger61 is so busy teaching Math to those 7th graders that she barely has time to do anything for herself. so, I will find out what they have been doing when we get there sometime Saturday afternoon or Sunday.
After the quick visit, we will drive to Galviston, Texas and the Alamo. Then a couple more stops in Texas before we start our drive to Rye, Colorado, where my SIL and BIL live in a big house that they have put up for sale. They are planning to down size and possibly move to North Carolina. They have a view of the Green Mountains and have lots of animals including bears come around where they live presently.
After that, if we have any more money for gasoline..... we will start back home.
Soooo, here are a few jokes to keep you happy.
There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.
This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you
receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life
completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as
Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). Take the antidote repeatedly
until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends,
you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Update: After extensive testing it has been concluded that
Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require a more generous application.
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Subject: Rooneyisms
1.Andy Rooney on Monica.
Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.
2. Andy Rooney on Vegetarians.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."
3. Andy Rooney on Prisoners.
Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.
4. Andy Rooney on Fabric Softeners.
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes.
5. Andy Rooney on morning differences.
Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
6. Andy Rooney on cripes.
My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes' 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be; Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
7. Rooney on Grandma
My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Or entering wet shawl contests? Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.
8. Rooney on answering machines.
Did you ever hear one of these corny positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: "Share the love." BEEP
"Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling....Speaking of being positive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love."
#######
Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed."
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches.
Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container,
put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.
She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button.
She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.
She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.
She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom.
She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.
She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for
the grocery store. She put both near her purse.
Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.
Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed."
"I'm on my way," she said.
She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on.
She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw
some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with
the one up still doing homework.
In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.
About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. "I'm going to bed."
And he did...without another thought.
Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer...?
We live longer because we still have things to do!!!!)
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Subject: Fw: WHAT DO RETIRED PEOPLE DO ALL DAY?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their
days interesting.
Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I
was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop
writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on man,
how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued
writing the ticket.
I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another
ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a shit head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't
care. I came into town by bus. I try to have a little fun each day now
that I'm retired. It's important at my age.
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Have a wonderful Easter holiday.
