4:48 p.m. - 2006-03-31
Memories
Friday, March 31, 2006
Currently Listening
Memories Are Made of This
By Dean Martin
see related
I was at the grocery store today and I was thinking about how much variety we have in food, drinks, clothing and almost everything else.
In BYWB days (Before You Were Born), there weren't that many different kinds of products.
When I was about 7 years ago, my mother got a divorce and my two sisters and I were sent to live with her aunt and uncle for a couple of years. My mother had no special skills so she went to the College of Commerce in our town and took courses. When she was finally making enough salary to keep us, we moved to the town near where I still live. We lived in an old house across the street from a hospital. The house was divided into 4 apartments. We started out in an attic apartment which had a large livingroom-dining area, a huge bedroom where all 4 of us slept with 1 window. It had a kitchen and a bathroom. I can remember when it was very hot, my mother would put a bowl of ice cubes in front of a window fan to try to cool the air.
A couple of years later, she was able to afford the basement apartment which had 2 small bedrooms, a livingroom, a very small bathroom but with a kitchen with enough room for a table and chairs. It was much cooler in this apt because it was the basement and yet in the cold weather, it was very warm because the furnace was just outside our kitchen door.
We were fortunate that the apartment was only 2 blocks to a grocery store and about 3 blocks to a laundromat. We pulled our little red wagon to and from those places many times.
We also walked several blocks to the downtown library. We loved the library.
The Children's Dept. was upstairs and there were window seats in the circular towers where I spent many hours reading. Children could get their own cards when they could write their name in cursive and it was a real treat and an honor when you had your very own card. I think you had to be a teenager before you were allowed in the Adult Dept. on the main floor. Unfortunately once you were old enough for the Adult card, you had to turn in your Child's card. I would have loved to have that card now....what great memories it held!
I was fascinated by the smooth movements of the librarian. She would have her special pencil with the date stamp on the other side of the point. She could quickly stamp the due date on the card in the back of the book, write in your card number and then put another card in the back of the book so you knew your due date on returning the book.
For a very long time, I wanted to be a librarian and it wasn't until I found out you had to go to college that I changed my mind. It was because we couldn't afford college tuition.
In those days; it was safe for children to be outside and we joined the neighborhood friends in playing outside nearly all the time, summer and winter. The backyard where we lived had a huge hill up to the level of an alley behind us. That was the place for sliding down on our sleds every winter...we slid nearly into the street many times.!!!! Of course, our parents didn't know about that! In the summer we had a pair of roller skates that we 3 girls shared and we could ride down the sidewalk in front of our apartment. The vibration would tickle my feet so much I sometimes had to roll into the grass before I made it to my apartment.
I had clamp on skates for my shoes. Heaven help you if your sister "lost" the skate key.!!
We played lots of outdoor games together. Hide and Seek, Red Rover, Kick the Can, Tag, and we had a group of boys and girls who all hung around together and played.
I can remember playing in a yard and the house was abandoned. Someone went inside and found a calendar of Marilyn Monroe....the famous one where she is lying on red satin.
If we had only known it would become a collector's item, one of the boys might have kept it....or maybe one of them did!!!
As I mentioned, our apartment was very close to all our needs. The school was about 2 blocks Northwest, our doctor was 3 blocks East. There was also a little candy store. I think it must have been in the enclosed front porch of a home because a nice older lady sold all the candy and pop and ice cream. It cost just pennies to buy candy. There were the Pills (the colored dots of candy on the paper strip) cinnamon wax lips, candy syrup in wax bottles, jaw breakers, candy cigarettes, bulleyes, just about everything you could dream of. We saved our pennies and returned pop bottles for change to visit that store at least once a week.
We were also only a couple of blocks from the Mar-Main Drug Store. When our mother had saved a bit of change, we went there to get phosphates.
You could get almost any flavor and this was the beginning of the soft drinks such as Coke, Pepsi and others. I usually had a vanilla phosphate. We sometimes got a chocolate soda made entirely by the soda "jerk". I don't think I even tasted a Coke until I was in my teens.
WELL, I STARTED THIS ABOUT THE HUGE NUMBER OF CHOICES WE HAVE FOR JUST ABOUT ANYTHING THESE DAYS AND ALL I HAVE TALKED ABOUT ARE THE OLD DAYS.
Guess I will have to post another entry tomorrow. But before I end this entry, here are some jokes for you.
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered
that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big ugly red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
####
A Sign Of Change:
There were two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day away
talking. One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?"
The second old guy replied, "I think she may be dead!"
The first man asked, "What do you mean you THINK she is dead?"
The second explained, "Well...the sex is the same but the dishes are
starting to pile up."
#### One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,"CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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Always keep several get well cards on the mantel..... so if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you've been sick and unable to clean.
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Subject: Poor Dave!!!!
Dave works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club as a special treat.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?
"His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
" Oh, I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms round Dave,
starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door he jumps in beside her. Dave tries
desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him
for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every
4 Letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time."
#####
THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY
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My tire was thumping.I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder..."What the hell was I thinking?"
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Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
! ;~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
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I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.
-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
********************************************************************************
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
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When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
=====================================================
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
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Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
So your daughter's a hooker,and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.
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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
#############
The thunder roared, The lightening crashed.
A tree fell down, A frog got smashed
If you don�t send this to every living creature on earth in the next 30 seconds, you will have bad luck for the rest of your pathetic life. Birds will poop on your car, and you will be tied to a chair, forced to watch Leave it to Beaver re-runs, and listen to Barry Manalow records.
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Burt and Gail were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need help." she said.
Burt ran off, saying, "I'll go get some help."
A little while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green. Gail, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I'm may be dying and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he come and help." "The second hole? When in the hell is he coming?"
"Hey! I told ya not to worry," Burt said, practice stroking his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."
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A Story With a Moral
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one Little thing getting to me...
It was my fianc�'s beautiful younger sister. My prospective
Sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and
Generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was Near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. It had to be Deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check The wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered To me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't Overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once Before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was
In total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last Wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I Stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to The front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are Very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for Better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
So the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!
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An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the Pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill. The pharmacist asked "How many? The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut Each one into four pieces." The pharmacist said, "That's too small a Dose. That won't get you through intimacy. The old fellow said, "Oh,
I'm past eighty years old & numb and I don't even think about Intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I Don't pee on my new golf shoes.
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