4:57 p.m. - 2006-01-10
blah day
Monday, January 09, 2006
I HAVE THE BLAHS....IT IS ONLY JANUARY 9, 2006 AND I AM ALREADY BORED WITH WINTER.
We haven't even had enough snow to make it worth while. I can't complain about that because I don't want to have more snow but the skies are grey and overcast. I can't think of anything to write about and I should be grateful that my life is going along very evenly.
I AM GOING STIR CRAZY. MY JOB IS BORING TOO. ACCIDENTS OVER AND OVER, SOMEONE'S CAR HIT ANOTHER CAR OR WENT INTO A DITCH OR A BUILDING....ARRGH. IT IS SO BORING!!
OK, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE. HERE ARE SOME JOKES.
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The Why's of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6.WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
And my personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your
heart......Then you are just an old sour fart
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REPORT FROM IRAQ
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.
Nearby, on the opposite side of the road, was an American Marine in similar but less serious state.
The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.
Seeing each other, we both took cover in the ditches alongside the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable lowlife scumbag, and he yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk.
So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean spirited woman!
He retaliated by saying "Oh Yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton."
"We were standing there in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
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Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves you can remember this joke... !!
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves ... "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No! , I don't."
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size." She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh, well. I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"
LINK ON THIS ONE...IT'S GREAT.
Have a look at this: 'Skateboarding dog'
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2004/m_dog_skateboard-p1.php?emf=1
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Prostitute's Tax Return
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to
file her taxes.
The accountant says: "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a
few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number,
etc, and then asks, "what is your occupation?"
"I'm a whore," she says.
"No, No, No, that won't work. That is too gross. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK., I'm a high-end call girl."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute,then the woman says, "I'm an elite Chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a call girl?'
"Well, I raised over a thousand little peckers last year."
"Good enough."
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Three Bullets!!!
A woman, pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily,
she and the babies survived. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in
because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room
in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a pee and
this bullet came out" replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years before.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was taking a pee and this bullet came out." Again the mother told
her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years before.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said
the Mom, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came
out."
"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.
Have a nice day.
